Satisfied?

 Yesterday was a challenging day for me, physically, emotionally and professionally. We had a grass fire at work. I am the safety director. We had trained on the use of fire extinguishers and that was successful. We have an emergency action plan in place and that worked, but not as written. Our crews were rock stars and managed to extinguish the fire before it got out of control. Though it threatened one of our houses, frightened it's tenants, no one was hurt and no property was lost. In most areas it was a success. It, however exposed my physical condition as I ran to retrieve more fire extinguishers and direct crews from my end. My legs felt like concrete and my heart pounded violently in my adrenaline rushed body. I felt like my lungs were too small and there was not enough air or strength, but I pressed on because my guys were in harms way.

Today I do not want to be the person I was yesterday. Last night I overate, continuing the weekend binge from my math class stress. I watch, almost as an observer as my addition to food took over. It did not matter that I knew I was "using" all that mattered was I needed to feel better at any cost. I watched it clearly and choose the behavior. I am still experiencing the consequences of that binge; then yesterday's event exposed even more consequences of my food choice and coach potato life style.

Ruth 2:14-16
  Ruth and Naomi have returned to Naomi's home under stressful circumstances. They are without so much of what they need to survive. In chapter one, the hand of God is clearly seen as He makes a way and opens doors in areas that seem to be "by chance".  In this section, Ruth is given an opportunity to work and eat under Boaz's protection and from his abundance. Given the opportunity to slack off and over indulge, which would be "natural" coming from a place of almost starvation, Ruth eats until she is satisfied and no more.She has left overs that she take to Naomi.

Was it discipline or love that helped her know herself so well? Was it because she was without that she wanted to store for the future? Was it the feeling that this could end at any moment? Was she trying to impress her benefactor? Her motivation, most likely was her love for Naomi, professed beautifully in the "wither thou goest" section of chapter one. Devotion to her family and her family's God. She knew her limits. She recognized "satisfied". Even under the circumstances she did not take advantage of this opportunity. She exercised self-control out of love and devotion.

I need to sit with this today. I am devoted only to myself when it comes to eating. This is an area where I am completely undisciplined.  Step one, two and three of recovery . . .
           

1.         My life is out of control - Highlighted yesterday in my limited ability to move
2.         I am not God - I cannot fix this alone.  I have tried and failed so much it's my normal.
3.         I surrender not out of only exhaustion and failure but because the same God that orchestrated  the events that provided for Ruth and Naomi, loves me and wants this area of my life.

Day one of Change:

                  Spiritual Goal: Surrender by paying attention to God in this area of my life.

                  Emotional Goal: Identify my H.A.L.T and journal it, not acting out in it.

                  Physical Goal: Food Journal and 20 minute of physical activity also journaled.

 Lord, I cannot do this without the power of your Holy Spirit. I do not have to ask if it is your will because I KNOW it is you will to be the Lord of all areas of my life. To this I surrender and ask for you power and strength.

                 See you tomorrow