Expectations -Part 2

God has allowed me to invest in the lives of several women who are struggling with emotional pain. I count that a privilege and do not take it lightly. What God draws me to is my own healing process from which to lead. "You can't teach what you don't know experientially." So it's from that place I speak.

Everyone hates to hurt. Given the opportunity I'd pick no pain. Jane Fonda used to say "No pain, no gain" and I think she had it right. This principle seems to be a central theme throughout scripture. Paul counts his gain as loss for the sake of the knowing Christ. He'd give it all up again for more of Jesus. I'd agree in my own life, I'd had a lot and lost a lot but I'd do it all again for more of Jesus in me, more relationship. Was there pain in this process? Absolutely! So I'm back to the beatitudes in Matthew 5:1-12 and this "upside down" living as it relates to pain and hard circumstances.

• Blessed are the poor in spirit . . .
• Blessed are those who mourn . . . .
• Blessed are the meek . . .
• Blessed are the merciful . . .
• Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness sake . . .
• Blessed are the pure in heart . . .
• Blessed are the peacemakers . . .
• Blessed are the persecuted . . .
• Blessed are those who are mistreated because of their faith . . .

If you look at each of these, there is pain, heartache, difficulty, dissension, lies. What part of that sounds like fun? In order to experience "poor in spirit" there was a point where the opposite had to be experienced, right? Mourning indicates loss of something, a dream, a person, old patterns of behavior; being merciful indicates that a hurt was experienced. Mercy is not giving someone what they deserve; hunger and thirst leads me to believe there is a longing for more, a discontent at the current status; purity in heart comes from cleansing; peace cannot be realized unless there was war at one time, persecution is pain, outright pain and is the last person, mistreated because of their faith. How can this be Blessed? It certainly doesn't feel blessed. In fact if feels often times like abandonment, unfairness, devaluing and unloving, right?

So all this pain has a future promise but the "Blessed" is what? How does the work? Maybe the answer lies in the definition of "Blessed". (it's times like these I wished I had stayed in that Greek class, but thank God for books!)

Maybe part three, because this is getting long. So for now, the "upside down" living looks like pain = something good in the future. That still leaves the pain in the now.

To this I cling . . . John 16:33 "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."

Expectations Matthew 5:1-12 (part 1)

I think my "big Picture" or lesson or theme for 2011 is going to be "It's not going to look like you thought it would." or how about "Expect the unexpected" is that Riley's believe it or not?

Recently God has been showing me in scripture that my life is not going to look like I expected. That may not be any new revelation for most people but I'm a classic dreamer, romantic and enterpernueral type. Those are all different sides of the same coin. I'm always looking beyond and find it difficult to live in the moment. It goes along with my "enough-is-never-enough" filter. Comes from my childhood and I won't bore you with those details, however it's a flawed filter and performance based, which is counter to Grace (by the way).

So back to the thought . . .
There are tons of events in my life that document that statement, "its not going to look like you think it will." So I'm reading Matthew 5:1-12 which we know as the beatitudes. Interesting word "beatitude". It's not in Scripture so it was added for our convenience but I don't think the means it's not a divinely ordained word for this section. Unique word, coined by someone who probably got this long ago. I'll probably come back to this again later as I continue to study this section of scripture. . . again I digress. . .

Today I was lazor-beamed on "upside down" living. What they expected and what Jesus offers. Jesus had a group of greenhorns around him and a crowd at the bottom of the hill, looking for help; and he teaches this group about upside down living; its different than what you think. The law was/is important but he wanted their heart to go beyond obedience to a deeper level. "The law says love your brother, but I say love your enemy" upside down living, not the expected message from this prophet, Messiah, Rabbi and soon to be Savior. See what I mean.

So in light of that, I must ask, Is your life what you expected? What's the reality of your life? As I continue to explore the beatitudes, I'm excited to see what's so "blessed" about this "upside down" living.

So long gone . . .not much changes.

Well it's been awhile since I posted, in fact I had actually forgotten about this blog spot. Senile? Perhaps, but I really have been journaling and growing and learning more about myself. Trust me I have lots of material ripe for discovery, tons of garbage to sift through, but I am convince of this one thing,

God loves me and has a plan for my life.
He longs for me to live the life He's given me to the fullest, bathed in His grace and mercy.

I wished I could tell you I experience that daily. I don't. I struggle . . . alot.

I hoped it would be easier, prayed it would be easier and that I would have victory in the areas of my struggle and be done with this bondage. No the case and I not sure God ever intended it to be the case.

If I didn't struggle, how would I know mercy when I see it, experience it?
If I didn't fail, how would I know success?
If this was easy, how would I know relationship with Jesus? Just how could we relate?
Fellowship of His suffering.
OK so I'm not crushed under despair. Not at this moment, I have been though. Today I just tired of failing; feeling like victory will never be mine; this behavior will always rule me. Some days I'd just like to give up, quit, throw in the towel and just live here in this bondage. Maybe I'm more like the children of Israel than I'd like to admit. They experienced abuse from their captor, God went to extreme measure to free them. They had freedom and had seen God do amazing, really freaky things on their behalf, yet once free, began to complain and want to return to bondage. Why? It required something of them this God given freedom. It was gonna take work.
Like I've said millions of times . . . I'd kill for those legs but I'm not getting off the couch for them.

So here I am again, struggling to surrender my will, what I want but am unwilling to work for, unwilling to press forward for, uncommitted to receive the victory already won in Christ over this bondage. Lord here's my will again, I'm surrendering it again. I desperately need your power to press on and make the next right choice, for your glory and my good.