Powerless . . .reality vs perception

I Samuel 28:3-20

 Vs. 5 - When Saul saw the army of the Philistine, he was afraid and his heart trembled greatly. When Saul inquired of the Lord, the Lord did not answer him. 

Saul was caught by his own offenses- abandoned by God; seemingly out of options.

How do we learn? Some slower than others but most life change, reverse- boosting lessons are wrought in the struggle with consequences and circumstance. Saul saw his enemies circling the wagons. These are the same guys he needed David’s help with before; the same army that rendered him powerless but for divine intervention, a shepherd. He was afraid and had burned all his bridges and needed one he could rebuild quickly. His options:

®    David – not likely, he’s been trying to kill him

®    Samuel – dead

®    Mediums and wizards – banished

®    The Lord, God almighty- not answering him

 So he did what any reasonable person in power would do; he ordered help. He managed his circumstances. “Go find me a woman who is a medium.” (Vs 7)

I think this little section of scripture is ironic. Look at the extremes Saul goes to in order to protect his identify, manage perception. (Vs 8) He dresses in disguise; goes at night and takes only people he can control (these guys were on the payroll). Saul is blinded to the obvious; if she is a medium, she will reveal the truth. Wasn't that what he was after, truth and guidance? He asks for Samuel and as before Saul’s heart and identity are revealed.  Samuel speaks the truth he had told him before, you have lost the kingdom because you disobeyed God, but he added, “Tomorrow you and your sons will be with me.” Dead.  Where was Samuel? Wherever that place was, Saul and his sons would be there in about 24 hours.

Look at God’s grace! Saul was a royal screw-up. He was stuck in a powerless cycle and chose not to get out of it. He had the tools. He picked every resource available but the one that could truly help. The step that required him to admit, confess and humble out before a righteous, just God. Saul wanted his power and position back and now added to his wish list, life not death.

Repentance and surrender may not have changed his circumstance- the consequences of his action but it would have given him what he truly longed for, peace. The peace that only comes through humility and surrender, the peace that only comes when we admit we are powerless. Saul had tried to manipulate and bully his way through his circumstance and like quicksand, only got more stuck. The rescuer must be a power from outside, bigger than us.

What’s your quicksand?

What ways to you identify with Saul’s sick behavior?

How are you trying to manage and correct what you are powerless to correct or manage?

Two choices

Surrender to your higher power                                 Stay in the sick cycle

                                                                        Two consequences

Peace and  the power to recover                                   Repeat the cycle of sick destructive behavior

Step One . . .the reoccurring step

Step one,

‘We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.’ (The Purpose Driven Life Recovery resource, J. Baker, 1998)

For I know nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature; For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. Rom 7:18

I have spent the last six years or so understanding recovery and for the most part “working” recovery, “practicing its principals in all my affairs”. I will say, sometime better than others. Often, the reality is that I am looking back at a situation or event and seeing how I did? More or less a daily inventory or score card. I think though, the hardest steps that I come back to in my “failures” are step one, two and three.

I often struggle seeing my life as unmanageable. I am a recovering co-dependent performance junkie. I measure my success and failure by these two goal posts; did I please someone or did I stand out in my efforts. Even writing these words is painful and exposes the depths of my pride. 

Step one: Admit I am powerless and that these defects of character and this sin is unmanageable by me alone. I have the desire, sometimes to do what is right but I am powerless to carry it out, alone.

“We” has been pointed out in the language of this first step. Community, for certain, is powerful and an important component to recovery, but “we” also means that someone bigger, more powerful than myself must be involved to move me forward from this seemingly hopeless and helpless state.

“White knucklers”, “I can do it alone”, “I just need more discipline”, folks must overcome their pride in this first step. Admit, accept, recognize, I am powerless to fix this alone.

We are taught to be self-sufficient and yet in God’s economy that is self destructive. Recovery requires community. It requires exposure of those deep dark places to someone. It requires an honest look at yourself and understanding that all your best efforts have not achieved victory that is sustained. If you had won, you would not be back. You would have moved on. If you are like me, your cycle is a sick one that just keeps bringing you back to point A. You can get off this merry-go-round. Step one is the only place to begin. If you move beyond it, trust me, you will return. I did.

What are you trying to white-knuckle today? How’s that working for you? Be honest with yourself.

Are you willing to admit you are truly powerless to change without help?

How Long will you grieve?

 I Samuel 16:1     How long will you grieve?

Many have been asked this question, some in ignorance by insensitive well-meaning people, but more times than not for me, it is a question I ask myself. Typically it is associated with feelings of hurt and anger or resentment (all basically the same). I find myself holding onto things I simply need to release to God.

Samuel has just told Saul, in highly visible, hard to miss terms, that God has removed His favor from him, that he will be replaced as king. Samuel was grieving the loss. Perhaps he was remembering the good and regretting the bad choices Saul made that brought these consequences. Maybe there was some, "what could I have done, moments" but that is speculation. Samuel was God's messenger, his servant and was taking this loss personally but he knew he had obeyed God, still he was grieving.

God asks him a redundant question because knew Samuel and He already had the solution in the future. When my children were teenagers I used to tell them "get over it". It was not a very popular "mom ism" and often appear insensitive. But I knew what they did not; tomorrow comes and life goes on, with all it's hurts and moves us forward. God tells Samuel to "get over it" and move - do something; specifically let's go get my anointed king.

When I think about that pivotal moment in history and how it has affected the lives of more than a few, I see God's hand in His plan. Saul had a place in that plan, it was a different place but God used it to build up a faithful King. When I think about this young, ruddy, handsome youth it brings me to amazement and gratitude for my loving God. This psalmist with all his failures and successes, his faithfulness in the midst of terror, his love for His God and his place in prophecy, the lineage of Christ, I am grateful that God's plan is always better than mine or Samuel's.

Samuel struggled letting of of the past; grieving for Saul. But he trusted God enough to move forward and usher in King David, a man after God's own heart.

Is there something in the past that God might be asking that question of you? How long will you grieve?
God is the God of both the past and the future. His promises are true and sure, his love steadfast and stronger than any thing that might be holding us back. What might this pivot point between the past and the future be ushering in for us?