Perfectionism

If someone had called me a perfectionist two years ago, before I started back to school, I would have laughed in their face. Nothing I do is EVER perfect.  Recently my daughter got married in our yard. Our "yard" is really about twelve  "normal" yards. It requires a great deal of work normally but if there is going to be an event here, the preparation get a little nuts. (please note the sarcasm). Nicole and I have been dreaming , like most Moms and daughters about how her special day would look; colors, atmosphere, flowers, "stuff". When it came to crunch time, she and I lived on Pinterest and talked almost daily. (She lives in Wyoming and I live in California). I had resolved this day was going to be wonderful but certainly not perfect. I was determined that I would not be driven by my sick expectation that everything would come off without a hitch. The day was wonderful. The bride and groom were amazing and friends and family had an amazing time. I had to force myself to see the good and not focus on the flowers or the single weed that dared to show itself.

PERFECTIONISM.

It plagues me daily. I tanked a math test on Sunday. Not because I have not invested the time to study but because I don't have a math brain and it takes longer for concepts of Algebra to sink in. I have also come to believe that mathematicians need to get a life. What was wrong with real language that they had to create a whole new one for math?  I digress . . . .

I have a 99% in this class but all I can focus on is the tanked test and how I can recover my near perfect GPA.  I'm almost sick about it and spend hours tying to improve. To what end?

I read this morning in Ephesians 4:1-8 about eagerness for unity in the body of Christ. That's the church universal and for me specifically, it is the community of people God places in my life. As I sat meditating on the word "Eager" this Math class was the first thing that came to mind. I'm eager for an "A".  I'm driven for an "A"; driven to perfection. Perfection is an illusion, it's what Solomon calls a vapor, a form or reality but empty.  I'm eager to manage the perception others have of me.  I'm eager to be above average. That's comparing and pride. (If you have the opportunity to read Timothy Keller's book, The Freedom of Self-forgetfulness, Do it!)

Paul tells us in this passage to be eager for unity in the body of Christ in the bonds of peace. Paul's framework, laid in the previous three chapters is that all believers are called and that calling will be evidenced in a life transformed by the power of Christ within. It will be gentle, humble and others focused BECAUSE it is a surrendered life to our redeemer.

Perfectionism is opposite of humility. Humility focuses on what is and responds in gratitude. Gentleness comes from a peaceful place, not an internal battlefield. Unity and an eagerness for that is Christ focused first and that flows into relationships, even challenging one.

Food for thought:
What are you eager for?
Does it match up with Paul's description in Ephesian 4?