Discipline . . . not my favorite subject.

Math is a foreign language to me, foreign in both it's meaning and application. Frankly were it no for the constraints of a class, I wound not invest the time.  Math has become a trainer, like a yoke on an oxen or saddle on an untamed horse. Like the wild animal, I am frustrated by the constraints, the difficulty or the process which is  exhausting and time consuming. I think, though perhaps for the first time in my life, I have a real concept of discipline. Sure I can compare discipline to practicing piano a as a child or even the correction from my parents, but this discipline is different. It is a constraint by choice with a goal in mind, my degree.

If I want a degree  in psychology- a bachelors of science, I must take math; algebra to be at a certain level to understand other classes like statistics. Math has a purpose, an end result, and it cost me something.  . . money, time, sleep, relationships, recreation. I have to evaluate everything, and I do mean everything, in relationship to this class and the ultimate goal, though the real "trainer" right now is the class and  its immediate requirements.

If I were a naturally disciplined person this would not be an issue but then it would not be discipline if it were natural? (is that like the tree in the forest question?) This disciple is forced on my by virtue of the goal, the requirements of the university and accreditation of the degree.

The Apostle Paul ( arguably) says All discipline is unpleasant in the process and for the moment BUT will produce peaceable fruits of righteousness Hebrews 12:11.

All discipline, - so spiritual, physical, mental, emotional - all discipline is painful, because it is at war with the natural, human desire for self enjoyment, self indulgence, self "control"(or lack of it). Discipline presses against the 'god' within our flesh or perhaps that is our flesh.

My heart is to be a disciplined person, spiritually, physically, emotionally and intellectually BUT my mind is weak. Paul say my flesh is weak. What I want to do I do no and what I desire to eliminate from my life, I cannot. There is more to this battle; this war, than a will to enter the fight. What moves me voluntarily into this battle? The ultimate goal.

Certainly I could drop this class but I would sacrifice the degree. I could go around it perhaps by sidestepping it for a lessor class but the foundation for future classes would be compromised.

I think this post leads me to other topics such as tutors and the process but for now, let me say that Math is painful, it's expensive in terms of time, relationships and resources but it is necessary for the ultimate goal.

Henri Nouwen in "The Life of the Beloved" says "You are free to do what you want ~ if you really want it"

My food for thought:
       What do I want?
        Am I willing to do the work, to be disciplined, to pay the price?

If I am not, do I really want it?

Prayer: Lord help me focus on what matters to you. By your Holy Spirit, help me press on in the areas you are training me, disciplining me so I can be ready to move ahead, toward the goal, the prize of the calling, peaceable fruits of righteousness.

Matthew 13:44-45