Step One . . .the reoccurring step

Step one,

‘We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.’ (The Purpose Driven Life Recovery resource, J. Baker, 1998)

For I know nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature; For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. Rom 7:18

I have spent the last six years or so understanding recovery and for the most part “working” recovery, “practicing its principals in all my affairs”. I will say, sometime better than others. Often, the reality is that I am looking back at a situation or event and seeing how I did? More or less a daily inventory or score card. I think though, the hardest steps that I come back to in my “failures” are step one, two and three.

I often struggle seeing my life as unmanageable. I am a recovering co-dependent performance junkie. I measure my success and failure by these two goal posts; did I please someone or did I stand out in my efforts. Even writing these words is painful and exposes the depths of my pride. 

Step one: Admit I am powerless and that these defects of character and this sin is unmanageable by me alone. I have the desire, sometimes to do what is right but I am powerless to carry it out, alone.

“We” has been pointed out in the language of this first step. Community, for certain, is powerful and an important component to recovery, but “we” also means that someone bigger, more powerful than myself must be involved to move me forward from this seemingly hopeless and helpless state.

“White knucklers”, “I can do it alone”, “I just need more discipline”, folks must overcome their pride in this first step. Admit, accept, recognize, I am powerless to fix this alone.

We are taught to be self-sufficient and yet in God’s economy that is self destructive. Recovery requires community. It requires exposure of those deep dark places to someone. It requires an honest look at yourself and understanding that all your best efforts have not achieved victory that is sustained. If you had won, you would not be back. You would have moved on. If you are like me, your cycle is a sick one that just keeps bringing you back to point A. You can get off this merry-go-round. Step one is the only place to begin. If you move beyond it, trust me, you will return. I did.

What are you trying to white-knuckle today? How’s that working for you? Be honest with yourself.

Are you willing to admit you are truly powerless to change without help?